I had sort of an epiphany today.
On the way home from picking Z up from preschool the song Mighty To Save came on the radio. Just listening to it I was fine, but when I started singing I started crying. So I stopped singing. Then I stopped crying. Odd. Starting singing again, started crying again. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Interesting.
I started pondering why certain Christian songs make me cry. I thought about how I have been crying way easier since I've been a mom. And I suppose since I've been a Christian, too. Then I thought, that's it! I cry easily when singing because in that moment my redemption is so tangible. Of all the hurt I've been through, mistakes I've made, doubts and insecurities I've had, God is the be-all end-all of my life. He has saved me from the hell of a life I didn't even realize I was living until I was on the other side. Thinking about that more deeply, it boggles my mind that in all reality, I truly didn't realize how hurt I was! If you would have asked me then, I would have said my life was just fine, thank you very much. It was one of those "ignorance is bliss" things. One of those "don't know what you're missing" things. Now that I live under the banner of God's love, I am overwhelmed with joy when His spirit is moving in me and I can see how wonderful he has made my life.
But it's not only the blessings. It's what God has done within my heart that is the most powerful. He has given me strength and security. Yes my life is wonderful because he has blessed it, but even without all his blessings, there is an immovable peace inside me that comes only from knowing and trusting in Him. He alone is enough. I am resting in that truth today.
Lindsay
Handsome Little Boy
Today a good friend of mine who does awesome photography snapped some pictures of Zachary for his 3 year old pictures. It was a perfect fall day out, sunny, windy, leaves everywhere... just beautiful. Here are a few of my favorites!
I just love the expression in his eyes in these pictures! I am so in love with this little man so full of life. Pure joy. Wow.
Lindsay
I just love the expression in his eyes in these pictures! I am so in love with this little man so full of life. Pure joy. Wow.
Lindsay
Finding a New Dream
Her: "I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be?"
Him: "It will be."
Her: "And what if it is? What do I do then?"
Him: "Well, that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream."
Lindsay
"I Have Endured Her Exaltation Again and Again..."
My mom reminded me today of how different my life is now than it was even two years ago. Thinking back on it, God has worked some majorly awesome blessings into play, and I just can't get over how awesome He's lead my life. I was feeling pretty good thinking about it, and then I remembered something. I remember a particular time in my life not too long ago where I was looking at the life of another woman who had "very little to distress or vex her" in the length of her perfectly seeming life. I remember feeling confused and hurt, asking God why he allowed me to endure certain sufferings while this woman didn't. Why did I have to lose my spark, my innocence, my freedom and joy in painful experiences and grieving while she didn't? Now I know, because God is laying it on my heart ever so gently, that I did not lose any of those things, that though the enemy tries to take them from me he cannot because they are God-given and mine to keep. But at the time, each new bit of information about how "awesome" her life was spiraled my pain a little deeper into my heart. Please don't misunderstand me, I was not feeling ill-willed toward her and I know she deserves nothing but goodness in life. It upset me because I saw in her the person I wanted to be but thought I could never be because I had something deep within taken from me. Security. Have you ever felt that? Interestingly enough, I'm learning that God really can recover anything "lost" and renew me completely. It's a continual process and I need constant reminding, and I'm so happy that God doesn't get burned out. He wills me to be free and joyful and secure, and he will stop at nothing to fight for that for me. That's what I'm feeling today.
Lindsay
A Good Quote To Live By
"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."
I am going to put this quote on some pretty paper and frame it and hang it somewhere I can see it every day, as a reminder of God's blessings and presence in my life.
Lindsay
I am going to put this quote on some pretty paper and frame it and hang it somewhere I can see it every day, as a reminder of God's blessings and presence in my life.
Lindsay
Transitions and Random-ness
I think it's safe to say I am at a time in my life where I am making a lot of changes. Marriage, stay at home mom full-time, with the exception of my salon job on Saturdays where I get to take out my creativity on unsuspecting clients... and this running thing. That has actually been a long time coming. I think I need to let ideas brew for awhile in my head before I take action, and possibly have a few failed attempts in between.
The running thing (I guess that's what I'm calling it) has been going great thus far. Next week I move on to week two of the program which will prove a little more challenging, and I'm ready for it. In all honesty, I've never made it this far in the consistency department, and I'm giving myself some credit for sticking with it this far.
It's not only the running that I'm transitioning into, but a healthy lifestyle in general. I have been researching healthy "eating styles" for what seems like forever, and have pretty much decided one thing: I'm not going to stick to any "one thing". I am not ever going to call myself a vegetarian or a vegan or whatever else because I don't feel like putting those limitations on myself. Once you make the "declaration" of what you "are", it becomes your limit, your confined box, in a sense. I want to focus on eating as healthy as possible MOST of the time, but still eat turkey on Thanksgiving without people questioning me, "Aren't you a vegetarian?" I want to make chicken marsala for Dave on his birthday or other special occasion without feeling like I'm cheating.
Speaking of chicken marsala, that is exactly what I made for Dave tonight for his post-birthday dinner, since we were at a wedding and out to eat with his grandma on his actual birthday. This is my absolute favorite dish to cook that I've come across, partly because it's one of the first so-called skilled dishes I made when I first started cooking, and party because it's Italian and fresh and yummy. Here are some preparation pictures of tonight's dinner:
The running thing (I guess that's what I'm calling it) has been going great thus far. Next week I move on to week two of the program which will prove a little more challenging, and I'm ready for it. In all honesty, I've never made it this far in the consistency department, and I'm giving myself some credit for sticking with it this far.
It's not only the running that I'm transitioning into, but a healthy lifestyle in general. I have been researching healthy "eating styles" for what seems like forever, and have pretty much decided one thing: I'm not going to stick to any "one thing". I am not ever going to call myself a vegetarian or a vegan or whatever else because I don't feel like putting those limitations on myself. Once you make the "declaration" of what you "are", it becomes your limit, your confined box, in a sense. I want to focus on eating as healthy as possible MOST of the time, but still eat turkey on Thanksgiving without people questioning me, "Aren't you a vegetarian?" I want to make chicken marsala for Dave on his birthday or other special occasion without feeling like I'm cheating.
Speaking of chicken marsala, that is exactly what I made for Dave tonight for his post-birthday dinner, since we were at a wedding and out to eat with his grandma on his actual birthday. This is my absolute favorite dish to cook that I've come across, partly because it's one of the first so-called skilled dishes I made when I first started cooking, and party because it's Italian and fresh and yummy. Here are some preparation pictures of tonight's dinner:
I just love this idea of storing parsley, or any other herb. It keeps much more fresh than sitting in a bag in the fridge, and it's nice and dry when you want to chop it! Bonus!
This dish is just so fun to make with some music on in the background and a wine glass filled with water in one hand. Or filled with wine. Whatever floats your boat!
Dave and I had a nice little date night at home, the marsala turned out awesome, we played scrabble slam which is basically four letter scrabble with cards, and we had a great conversation. I think tonight was a nicer date night than the past few times we've actually gone out to a restaurant! Next time I'll make sure to take a picture of the finished dinner. :)
The next transition was brought about in Dave and I's dinner conversation, about spiritual discipline and how we plan be creative in implementing it into our lives and keeping each other accountable. We plan to set goals and have disciplines that form habits that eventually becomes our pleasures. I am really looking forward to this transition, and I know it will be challenging in an awesome way!
So, here are some significant transitions from the last four-ish months:
1. Marriage
2. Stay at home mom
3. Living with Dave
4. Perks that go along with marriage ;)
5. Keeping house, running my own schedule
6. Starting running
7. Change in eating habits
8. Spiritual disciplines
I'm really enjoying all this change! I love growing and challenging myself, I love having a wonderful husband and son by my side through it all, I love tackling challenges that I thought I never had time for or could never do, such as running and changing my eating habits. I am not perfect by any means and definitely not where I would like to be yet, but I'm working toward that which is where you have to start!
So before I sign off, I thought of an idea today that I think will help get my creative juices flowing as far as cooking vegetables are concerned. Does that seem random to you? Maybe it is. But it's still a great idea right? The biggest problem I have with vegetables is that no matter how much I love them, they get boring after a lifetime of eating them the same. exact. way. So, what I would like to do is pick one vegetable a week, and try cooking it a few different ways! Not necessarily cooking every time, but even just preparing. Vegetables don't always need to be cooked. (Captain obvious over here...) I think this would be a great way to get creative with vegetables and make it easier to incorporate them into every meal!
So for this week, the vegetable I'm going to pick is Kale. Why Kale? Well, it's chock-full of vitamins and antioxidants and one of the best darn leafy greens out there, not to mention bitter, chewy and tough. But I know there are ways to prepare it to where it's yummy, so I will attempt to do just that.
Wish me luck!
Lindsay
My Little Man is 3!
WOW- time flies! Last week my little man turned three, and I can't believe it. Just now I was thinking about how I always call him my "little man". It's funny, because he really is a little man! He is such a boy, into all things cars and ourdoorsy, and of course pretending to shoot everything in sight. He even has this innate urge to protect me. On an almost daily basis he will tell me he is going to protect me from this or that. The other day I took him downstairs to do some laundry and he was one step ahead of me but kept me close by wrapping his arm around my leg, and led the way with his chest puffed out exclaiming "I will save you from the bugs! I will save you! I will save you, mommy! From the bugs!" What a brave little man. :)
As I watch him grow and notice all his mannerisms and little things he picks up from his observations and perspectives on life, I grow ever more curious about the man God designed him to be. I wonder if some of the characteristics he is showing now are just a phase or if they will be with him his whole life. One thing I want is to be extra careful to foster his sense of identity. I want him to know who he is in Christ and feel validated and not stifle his boyhood. He is an aggressive little guy, but sweet and gentle also. He is very outgoing, AFTER he feels out his environment for a little awhile. He has a strong pull toward anything boyish (a.k.a. dangerous or destructive), and a strong urge to protect. And he's fiercely competitive. Not sure where he gets that because I'm definitely not. He will try to race me at dinner by eating his plate first, then exclaim "I beat you!" Even at 2 years old he's had some power struggles with Dave, a sign (I think) of his competitive nature.
What I'm trying to be careful to do is foster his heart and characteristics for good, while keeping him safe and teaching him how to be relational (a.k.a. NOT pretending to shoot the doctor). It is a very difficult thing to do, because all these things I see him do now that I don't necessarily like (his aggressiveness, power struggles, and pretending to shoot everything) may actually be his God-given gifts and talents presenting themselves in an immature, youthful way. I'm trying to be careful not to shoot down everything he wants to do that I don't like. I need to pray for guidance constantly and trust that God has great plans for him and that I am here to care for and guide this sweet boy. After expressing some minor concerns about Z during a counseling session, my counselor simply said, "Have you ever thought about the adult man that God has designed him to be?" That is where I need to be putting my thoughts toward and keeping in the forefront of my mind as I mother him. I love my little man so much and truly feel that God has great plans for him to be a brave, protective, secure and honorable man someday. As he grows up I will make sure that he knows it, too.
As I watch him grow and notice all his mannerisms and little things he picks up from his observations and perspectives on life, I grow ever more curious about the man God designed him to be. I wonder if some of the characteristics he is showing now are just a phase or if they will be with him his whole life. One thing I want is to be extra careful to foster his sense of identity. I want him to know who he is in Christ and feel validated and not stifle his boyhood. He is an aggressive little guy, but sweet and gentle also. He is very outgoing, AFTER he feels out his environment for a little awhile. He has a strong pull toward anything boyish (a.k.a. dangerous or destructive), and a strong urge to protect. And he's fiercely competitive. Not sure where he gets that because I'm definitely not. He will try to race me at dinner by eating his plate first, then exclaim "I beat you!" Even at 2 years old he's had some power struggles with Dave, a sign (I think) of his competitive nature.
What I'm trying to be careful to do is foster his heart and characteristics for good, while keeping him safe and teaching him how to be relational (a.k.a. NOT pretending to shoot the doctor). It is a very difficult thing to do, because all these things I see him do now that I don't necessarily like (his aggressiveness, power struggles, and pretending to shoot everything) may actually be his God-given gifts and talents presenting themselves in an immature, youthful way. I'm trying to be careful not to shoot down everything he wants to do that I don't like. I need to pray for guidance constantly and trust that God has great plans for him and that I am here to care for and guide this sweet boy. After expressing some minor concerns about Z during a counseling session, my counselor simply said, "Have you ever thought about the adult man that God has designed him to be?" That is where I need to be putting my thoughts toward and keeping in the forefront of my mind as I mother him. I love my little man so much and truly feel that God has great plans for him to be a brave, protective, secure and honorable man someday. As he grows up I will make sure that he knows it, too.
Beautiful Things
Sometimes in all of the busyness of life, I can easily let my mind skip over so many beautiful gifts God has blessed my life with. Just looking outside my window, I have a beautiful lush green yard. I live in a beautiful foresty town. Flowers are popping up everywhere. In the past few months my hair has gotten so long and feels so pretty! I have a beautiful healthy child (who just turned 3!) and a very handsome fiance romancing me with flowers, letters, and gifts constantly. Though so many things in my life try to distract my thoughts toward the negative, beauty shines all around me.
The inspiration for this blog post came from this song. It is so refreshing I feel like every time I listen to it is the first time. Enjoy!
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
The inspiration for this blog post came from this song. It is so refreshing I feel like every time I listen to it is the first time. Enjoy!
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
I Love Eating Waffles for Dinner.
To add to that, I've just had an awesome day all around.
The salon was pretty busy, which is nice because 1) it makes up for the slow days, 2) I'm making money, 3) I'm building clientele, and 4) I'm honing my skills and making a difference in people's lives. On busy days I come away so encouraged because I see how what I can do affects my clients. I have so much freedom with the services I can provide, and my boss is a wonderful, talented Christian woman. I am SO blessed.
On top of the awesome day at the salon, I feel the most encouraging part of today was lunch with Dave. We met with our pastor (who will be marrying us) and had a really good conversation and hashed a lot of stuff out, including some aspects of Dave and I not having sex before marriage. I'm sorry if the word "sex" took you off guard, there really is no way to segue into it. I know it can be an awkward and taboo thing to talk about, but abstaining from sex before marriage is something I am passionate about and believe in and think is extremely important to talk about because it can change someone's life (or the course of their life). Nobody talked to me about waiting for marriage, and I obviously didn't. While my child is a blessing beyond belief, I endured much pain and heartache that came with the "single mom" label that could have possibly been avoided (again- NOT regretting my son in any way! God had a perfect plan for me :) All this, not to mention that statistically and from what I hear from friends who have waited, it builds trust in the relationship and just all around makes it better in the end. But I suppose I will be better equipped to explain that from experience in a couple month's time...
So back to our talk during lunch, our pastor recommended that we might try not even kissing from now until the wedding. I don't mean little hello and goodbye smooches, but kissing. You know. :) Before you think "WHAT?!" let me tell you... I think it would be much much much easier to avoid crossing holy boundaries and taking it too far if you're not making out for an hour. It will alleviate the stress of wondering if you're going to make out tonight, how far it's going to go, if the other person is on the same page, feeling disappointed if they're not, or vice versa and disappointing the other person. Plus, it makes it easier to keep your hands off each other, simply put. And when you are madly in love and about to get married and trying to stay pure in the meantime- that's a good thing. Since the wedding is getting so close now and there is still so much to do, I think we will be able to keep ourselves busy anyway. Our pastor also said he knows other couples who have done that and loved how fresh everything was at the wedding and during the honeymoon. I think the excitement of having such a fresh and new honeymoon sounds like more than a good enough reason to endure the wait beforehand. As Dave puts it, having sex before you're married would be like opening a Christmas present on December 1st- you will still have it on December 25th, but you won't having anything new to open, and the excitement is dramatically dulled.
Waiting has been difficult beyond belief, but it was definitely the hardest when Dave and I reached the point in our relationship where we were really falling in love and getting comfortable with each other and knew we wanted to marry each other, but were nowhere close to even getting engaged. THAT was definitely the hardest point. Our relationship now is definitely a grown and matured version of what it was at that point, but we are used to it being this way. This is how we function as an in-love engaged couple, and changing that by having sex before we are married would in many ways change who we are as a couple, and we are not ready for that until we are in a committed marriage and living together and totally relying on each other. Besides, we have made it this far it would be a crying shame to give in now, this close to the wedding.
So those are my thoughts for today... and on a toally unrelated note, why doesn't McDonald's serve hot dogs? Not that I would eat them anyway, just wondering.
Lindsay
The salon was pretty busy, which is nice because 1) it makes up for the slow days, 2) I'm making money, 3) I'm building clientele, and 4) I'm honing my skills and making a difference in people's lives. On busy days I come away so encouraged because I see how what I can do affects my clients. I have so much freedom with the services I can provide, and my boss is a wonderful, talented Christian woman. I am SO blessed.
On top of the awesome day at the salon, I feel the most encouraging part of today was lunch with Dave. We met with our pastor (who will be marrying us) and had a really good conversation and hashed a lot of stuff out, including some aspects of Dave and I not having sex before marriage. I'm sorry if the word "sex" took you off guard, there really is no way to segue into it. I know it can be an awkward and taboo thing to talk about, but abstaining from sex before marriage is something I am passionate about and believe in and think is extremely important to talk about because it can change someone's life (or the course of their life). Nobody talked to me about waiting for marriage, and I obviously didn't. While my child is a blessing beyond belief, I endured much pain and heartache that came with the "single mom" label that could have possibly been avoided (again- NOT regretting my son in any way! God had a perfect plan for me :) All this, not to mention that statistically and from what I hear from friends who have waited, it builds trust in the relationship and just all around makes it better in the end. But I suppose I will be better equipped to explain that from experience in a couple month's time...
So back to our talk during lunch, our pastor recommended that we might try not even kissing from now until the wedding. I don't mean little hello and goodbye smooches, but kissing. You know. :) Before you think "WHAT?!" let me tell you... I think it would be much much much easier to avoid crossing holy boundaries and taking it too far if you're not making out for an hour. It will alleviate the stress of wondering if you're going to make out tonight, how far it's going to go, if the other person is on the same page, feeling disappointed if they're not, or vice versa and disappointing the other person. Plus, it makes it easier to keep your hands off each other, simply put. And when you are madly in love and about to get married and trying to stay pure in the meantime- that's a good thing. Since the wedding is getting so close now and there is still so much to do, I think we will be able to keep ourselves busy anyway. Our pastor also said he knows other couples who have done that and loved how fresh everything was at the wedding and during the honeymoon. I think the excitement of having such a fresh and new honeymoon sounds like more than a good enough reason to endure the wait beforehand. As Dave puts it, having sex before you're married would be like opening a Christmas present on December 1st- you will still have it on December 25th, but you won't having anything new to open, and the excitement is dramatically dulled.
Waiting has been difficult beyond belief, but it was definitely the hardest when Dave and I reached the point in our relationship where we were really falling in love and getting comfortable with each other and knew we wanted to marry each other, but were nowhere close to even getting engaged. THAT was definitely the hardest point. Our relationship now is definitely a grown and matured version of what it was at that point, but we are used to it being this way. This is how we function as an in-love engaged couple, and changing that by having sex before we are married would in many ways change who we are as a couple, and we are not ready for that until we are in a committed marriage and living together and totally relying on each other. Besides, we have made it this far it would be a crying shame to give in now, this close to the wedding.
So those are my thoughts for today... and on a toally unrelated note, why doesn't McDonald's serve hot dogs? Not that I would eat them anyway, just wondering.
Lindsay
Life, Death, and Everything in Between.
Today has been sort of emotionally draining for me.
At work I received the shocking news that my son's father's Uncle Wayne, who was basically my uncle for five years, passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack. I had to keep it together at work, but gave myself about 10 minutes in the bathroom to have a good cry, but the rest of the day I just didn't feel right. I have such a heavy heart. He was such a great man.
On the flip side, I also found out that some friends of Dave and I's from church are expecting a baby! Such wonderful news! I cannot think of two better people who are better equipped spiritually and responsibly to bring a baby into this world.
Right now I am feeling mixed feelings of sadness about Wayne's death and joy of our friend's news. One life passed, another to come. That's a lot to wrap my brain around in one day... *sigh*...
So far, Wayne's death is the closest to home I've experienced in this life- and for that, I am beyond blessed and cannot express my gratitude for the health and safety of my closest loved ones thus far. But it does shake my fears up a bit, and all day I've just been reminded of how fragile and precious life is, and how quickly it can be taken away. Today I was totally blindsided, as was his entire family. It is a reminder to savor life every day. The most comforting thing today during all this was knowing God was near. I felt him, his love and presence, surrounding me.
I also read something today that encouraged me as a mother. If you have never heard of Proverbs 31 Ministries, I invite you to check them out here. This is an awesome website for women and mothers who desire to live for God and uphold the idea of a Proverbs 31 woman. If you are not familiar with the Bible or with this passage, here it is:
At work I received the shocking news that my son's father's Uncle Wayne, who was basically my uncle for five years, passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack. I had to keep it together at work, but gave myself about 10 minutes in the bathroom to have a good cry, but the rest of the day I just didn't feel right. I have such a heavy heart. He was such a great man.
On the flip side, I also found out that some friends of Dave and I's from church are expecting a baby! Such wonderful news! I cannot think of two better people who are better equipped spiritually and responsibly to bring a baby into this world.
Right now I am feeling mixed feelings of sadness about Wayne's death and joy of our friend's news. One life passed, another to come. That's a lot to wrap my brain around in one day... *sigh*...
So far, Wayne's death is the closest to home I've experienced in this life- and for that, I am beyond blessed and cannot express my gratitude for the health and safety of my closest loved ones thus far. But it does shake my fears up a bit, and all day I've just been reminded of how fragile and precious life is, and how quickly it can be taken away. Today I was totally blindsided, as was his entire family. It is a reminder to savor life every day. The most comforting thing today during all this was knowing God was near. I felt him, his love and presence, surrounding me.
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
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I also read something today that encouraged me as a mother. If you have never heard of Proverbs 31 Ministries, I invite you to check them out here. This is an awesome website for women and mothers who desire to live for God and uphold the idea of a Proverbs 31 woman. If you are not familiar with the Bible or with this passage, here it is:
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
So this passage is the foundation for the Proverbs 31 ministry. Today, a woman posted a devotional to this site that was really inspiring to me as a mother, and helped shift my focus when it comes to mothering Zach. It is based off Proverbs 22:6, which says:
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
Here is her devotional:
__________________________________________________
My daughter, Hope, is a senior this year. And she decided her senior year should be adventurous and a little out of the “normal” box. A lot out of the box actually.
She withdrew from traditional school. Applied with the state to homeschool. Enrolled in online college courses that would allow her to get both high school and college credit simultaneously. And planned to spend the month of January serving in Nicaragua doing missions.
This didn’t surprise me really. Hope has always liked charting her own course. This thrills me now. But it didn’t thrill me so much in the early years of raising this strong-spirited child.
When she was really little I was scared to death I was the world’s worst mom, because Hope was never one to be contained. And I honestly thought all her extra tenacity was a sign of my poor mothering.
One day I took her to the mall to meet several of my friends with toddlers to grab lunch. All of their kids sat quietly eating cheerios in their strollers. They shined their halos and quoted Bible verses and used tissues to wipe their notes.
Not Hope.
She was infuriated by my insistence she stay in her stroller. So, when I turned away for a split second to place our lunch order, she wiggled free. She stripped off all her clothes. She ran across the food court. And jumped in the fountain in the center of the mall.
Really, nothing makes the mother of a toddler feel more incapable than seeing her naked child splashing in the mall fountain. Except maybe that toddler refusing to get out and said mother having to also get into the fountain.
I cried all the way home.
Not because of what she’d done that day. But rather because of how she was everyday. So determined. So independent. So insistent.
I would beg God to show me how to raise a good child. One that stayed in her stroller. One that other people would comment about how wonderfully behaved she was. One that made me look good.
But God seemed so slow to answer those prayers. So, over the years, I changed my prayer. “God help me to raise Hope to be who You want her to be.” Emphasis on, “God HELP ME!”
I think I changed my prayers for her because God started to change my heart. I sensed He had a different plan in mind for my mothering of Hope.
Maybe God’s goal wasn’t for me to raise a good rule-following child. God’s goal was for me to raise a God-following adult. An adult just determined and independent and insistent enough to fulfill a purpose He had in mind all along.
Today’s key verse reminds us we are training children so that when they are old they will not turn away from Biblical principles, but rather implement them in their life-long pursuit of God. Remember, the things that might aggravate you about your child today, might be the very things when matured that make them great for God’s kingdom tomorrow.
I’ve certainly seen this in raising Hope.
I don’t know what mama needs to hear this today. But let me encourage you from the bottom of my heart with three simple mothering perspectives you must hang on to:
1. Don’t take too much credit for their good.
2. Don’t take too much credit for their bad.
3. Don’t try to raise a good child. Raise a God-following adult.
And all the mamas of fountain dancing children said, “Amen!”
Dear Lord, I know You desire for me to raise a God-following adult. Please give me Your wisdom as I seek to become the parent You called to this high honor. Redirect my perspectives and equip me for this task today. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
_______________________________________________
This devotional makes me think about Zachary in a totally different way- not as the child he is, but as the man he will become, and how I can foster that for God, and for good. I see very independent tendencies, curiosity, stubborness, tenderness, sensitivity, and strength in my boy. I can also see how, as a parent, I "need" him to behave or act mildly so in an attempt to make him "behave" I could be stifling a God-given gift of his that will enable him to be the adult God has called him to be. So tonight, I am thankful for all the ways that Zachary is different, for all the things I think need to be corrected that really might not, and for God's grace which makes up for the areas that I lack as a mother. I cannot wait to start pouring even more purposefully into Zachary's heart affirmations of respect, honor, trust, and encouragement. Thank you God for blessing me with such a beautiful boy.
Until next time,
Lindsay
Blogging at a Coffee Shop
I've always loved coffee shops, and Ella's, right here in my hometown, is the best yet. At any given time, you can expect to see someone you know, or at least two people you don't know delving into deep conversation. Something about the atmosphere says "don't just eat and leave, stay awhile and enjoy your coffee, and connect". A lot of love goes into the food here, everything is homemade fresh, they have a gluten free menu, and they know regulars by name and treat them as old friends. What I'm loving today is the little details they put in to make us feel extra loved... look at the latte they made me just now!
I'm feelin' the love today!
How He Loves
In February of 2010, I heard this song for the first time in church as a brand new Christian, as a broken down woman with impending radical changes in the very near future, as someone who had nowhere to look but up. I was amidst a couple hundred people, but simultaneously alone. As in, I knew nobody around me. When the band started this song I felt the tears coming, but at the chorus I was overwhelmed by God's spirit and felt the love emanating from everyone around me worshiping with hands high in the air, oblivious to my tears, and in that moment I knew everything was going to be okay. I broke down sobbing, in public, with no shame because I felt God in my heart rescuing me from all my worries. He literally took all the heaviness off my heart and I was overwhelmed with joy. Funnily enough, just a few short months after that day I met the man who would become my future husband, who whisked me into a romance I never knew could exist on this earth. So this song, even to this day, is my personal worship song. Everytime I hear it I am reminded of God's promises (Jer. 29:11), and of that day when I needed rescuing and God was so there.
The Beauty of Simplicity
Anyone who knows me know that I am in love with anything Jane Austen and, most notably, the 2005 Pride and Prejudice movie. I have seen it all the way through over 50 times, literally. That is a low estimate. The thing I love about Jane Austen is her uncanny ability to develop such complex characters and plotlines. Even her seemingly simple run of the mill love story is dripping with fresh perspective and obsevations about humanity that, while almost too simple for most cloudy-headed Americans to observe, are beautifully contemplated and articulated (in Old English, no less!). I love how wonderfully Pride and Prejudice was brought to life in the 2005 film... there is such beauty and artistry in it that is just not present in other versions, and the music! Oh, the music! What strikes me even more, and which is also the reason why I've seen the movie so many times and never get sick of it, is that each time I watch it I catch something new that I've never caught before, whether it be a look, a sound, or a feeling. This is exactly what happened the other day.
Dave and I had it on kind of in the background, and we started paying attention to the scene where Mr. Collins comes to visit and is paying all these ridiculous compliments to the Bennets (about the exquisitness of boiled potatoes and whatnot), and I love that scene because of the look on Lizzie's face as he drones on. Well anyway, after the dinner scene it cuts to a scene in the living room where the family is gathered, and Mr. Collins takes Mrs. Bennet aside and inquires about Jane. Just before this conversation happens, it shows all five girls sitting in the living room with their father, and they are all quiet, relaxed and present with each other. There was dim lighting (only candles), no television, no outward entertainment, they are literally just all in a room left with nothing to entertain but each other. I immediately thought about what a typical American family looks like nowadays when relaxing together at night: there is almost always a tv going, lots of bright lights, ipods, ipads, cell phones, laptops, etc... and I just imagined how different life was back in Jane Austen's time and how wonderful the simplicity must have been. I would love a slower life, with pastimes such as reading extensively, writing extensively, playing music, crafting, cooking, walking, talking (and I mean actually being present while doing so, not with one eye on the tv or ipod).
What strikes me is even though I have seen this scene so many times, I never realized the awesome simplcity of that moment. How would life be different for us if we tried to incorporate more simple and fully present time with our loved ones? I'd like to find out...
Dave and I had it on kind of in the background, and we started paying attention to the scene where Mr. Collins comes to visit and is paying all these ridiculous compliments to the Bennets (about the exquisitness of boiled potatoes and whatnot), and I love that scene because of the look on Lizzie's face as he drones on. Well anyway, after the dinner scene it cuts to a scene in the living room where the family is gathered, and Mr. Collins takes Mrs. Bennet aside and inquires about Jane. Just before this conversation happens, it shows all five girls sitting in the living room with their father, and they are all quiet, relaxed and present with each other. There was dim lighting (only candles), no television, no outward entertainment, they are literally just all in a room left with nothing to entertain but each other. I immediately thought about what a typical American family looks like nowadays when relaxing together at night: there is almost always a tv going, lots of bright lights, ipods, ipads, cell phones, laptops, etc... and I just imagined how different life was back in Jane Austen's time and how wonderful the simplicity must have been. I would love a slower life, with pastimes such as reading extensively, writing extensively, playing music, crafting, cooking, walking, talking (and I mean actually being present while doing so, not with one eye on the tv or ipod).
What strikes me is even though I have seen this scene so many times, I never realized the awesome simplcity of that moment. How would life be different for us if we tried to incorporate more simple and fully present time with our loved ones? I'd like to find out...
Use Your Words.
I thought about something interesting today.
Zachary is at the age where he doesn't have a lot of control over his emotions, so it's easy for him to get mad, sad, frustrated, excited, etc. One thing we have been working on lately is trying to get him to communicate his feelings through words instead of actions, crying, or whining. So if Zach is clearly upset about something I will ask him to use his words to tell me about it.
Me: Are you mad?
Zach: mmm hmmph.
Me: Why are you mad?
Zach: *silence*
Me: Zachary, why are you mad?
Zach: Because I want to play with my playdough.
Me: I know you do honey, but it's time to put it away for now so we can eat dinner. Is that okay?
Zach: Okay!
Alright, that last "okay" from Zach is the ideal situation, not always the realistic one. But you get the gist. I am trying to teach Zach to name his emotions, to tell me what he is feeling, and then why. This makes him feel understood and validated, especially when I tell him that it's okay that he's mad. "It's okay to be mad at mommy, but you still have to mind." It just good communication.
As I was making TONS of copies of mortgage papers at work today, I started pondering this whole concept as it applies to adults. Dave and I strive very hard during conflict to label our feelings and then explain how it makes us feel. It eliminates most of the guessing. "When you did (fill in the action), it made me feel hurt and (any other arbitrary adjective)." It sounds elementary but is so effective! Sadly, many many people do not communicate this way. As they become adults, they are taught more manipulative ways to communicate by parents, teachers, peers, coworkers, and just society in general. We spit sarcasm and criticism in hopes it will bring the desired result. Yet with the same breath we are teaching our children to "use their words".
The reality is, with children we must simplify our teachings for them to understand. Children don't understand sarcasm and criticism. They only know what they are feeling, and they can understand why they feel that way when they talk about it. If it makes perfect sense to teach a child to use their words, doesn't it make so much more sense for adults to do the same? To model these teachings FOR our children? Yet again, as with so many other things, the simpler way turns out to be better.
Children might not come with a manual, but in a way they provide one for us, for our lives. Thank you Zachary, for reminding me that life doesn't have to be so complicated... just more contemplated.
Zachary is at the age where he doesn't have a lot of control over his emotions, so it's easy for him to get mad, sad, frustrated, excited, etc. One thing we have been working on lately is trying to get him to communicate his feelings through words instead of actions, crying, or whining. So if Zach is clearly upset about something I will ask him to use his words to tell me about it.
Me: Are you mad?
Zach: mmm hmmph.
Me: Why are you mad?
Zach: *silence*
Me: Zachary, why are you mad?
Zach: Because I want to play with my playdough.
Me: I know you do honey, but it's time to put it away for now so we can eat dinner. Is that okay?
Zach: Okay!
Alright, that last "okay" from Zach is the ideal situation, not always the realistic one. But you get the gist. I am trying to teach Zach to name his emotions, to tell me what he is feeling, and then why. This makes him feel understood and validated, especially when I tell him that it's okay that he's mad. "It's okay to be mad at mommy, but you still have to mind." It just good communication.
As I was making TONS of copies of mortgage papers at work today, I started pondering this whole concept as it applies to adults. Dave and I strive very hard during conflict to label our feelings and then explain how it makes us feel. It eliminates most of the guessing. "When you did (fill in the action), it made me feel hurt and (any other arbitrary adjective)." It sounds elementary but is so effective! Sadly, many many people do not communicate this way. As they become adults, they are taught more manipulative ways to communicate by parents, teachers, peers, coworkers, and just society in general. We spit sarcasm and criticism in hopes it will bring the desired result. Yet with the same breath we are teaching our children to "use their words".
The reality is, with children we must simplify our teachings for them to understand. Children don't understand sarcasm and criticism. They only know what they are feeling, and they can understand why they feel that way when they talk about it. If it makes perfect sense to teach a child to use their words, doesn't it make so much more sense for adults to do the same? To model these teachings FOR our children? Yet again, as with so many other things, the simpler way turns out to be better.
Children might not come with a manual, but in a way they provide one for us, for our lives. Thank you Zachary, for reminding me that life doesn't have to be so complicated... just more contemplated.
The Last Season.
Today Dave and I had our second session of premarital counseling, and I have to say it went amazing! We are pretty good communicators when it comes to the gritty stuff of relationships, but even the preventative exercises our counselor had us do revealed potential future conflict if left unchecked. I tell you, premarriage counseling is a great way to safeguard marriage as best as possible, not only by hashing out any problems that might exist (before they have a chance to become toxic), but also to prevent destructive patterns and habits that haven't even necessarily been created yet. I am simply amazed at how powerful and encouraging these sessions are!
On the Valentines Day account, my love showed up with a dozen beautiful red roses and chocolates, then took me to Olive Garden! I absolutely love Italian food and the lighting and wine were perfect, and my love had his eyes on me all night. Afterward we went to Target to register for our wedding (and do all the scanning which was t-o-n-s o-f f-u-n!) He kissed me goodnight after our wonderful date, and once again left me feeling like the luckiest girl alive.
In this season right before the wedding, I'm finding myself anticipating the coming changes that will come not only in our physical lives, but also in our hearts as we take this next step. We've grown so much as a couple, starting at the newness and somewhat shy (on my side) phase and growing into this deep and wonderful love. We have grown so comfortable with each other and the way that our relationship is, and our marriage is going to radically change that. We will be living together and sleeping together (and um... sleeping together...), and things are going to be, well, different. In a good way of course! I suppose in these last couple months I am trying to relish this season we are in while it lasts, I want to remember what our relationship is like and how we are with each other before we live together and before we have sex. I want to remember these innocent times, because they are so precious. These times have been some of the hardest, trying times for me. It is hard to stay pure physically when you are madly in love with someone- more difficult than I could ever describe! It is hard to put Zachary to bed some nights by myself, and to get him ready in the morning by myself. It was difficult for me to adjust to sleeping alone every night, and it still is a struggle sometimes.
But through all this I have learned and am still learning so much about myself, and who I am as a woman. Dave being such a man of honor by staying pure and keeping me pure throughout our relationship has allowed me the freedom to experience a deeper relationship with God, and myself. His love is so unselfish. In this season, I want to remember all of that. I want to remember in hindsight two, five, and 10+ years from now how difficult it was when he had to leave me every single night. How some nights we had to keep our distance physically because we would be flirting with danger otherwise. I want to remember how we had to have to discipline and self control to stay true to our promises even though it was so extremely difficult. I want to remember him dancing with me in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around me when I'm cooking, twirling me under his arm like I'm a princess, and the letters... ohh the letters! I want to remember the way he looks at me now, in this season. I want to remember the feeling of longing I feel every night when I watch him step off my porch, onto the sidewalk and into his car to drive away. I want to remember all of this, because this is what is setting the tone for our marriage. This is our time of testing. This is our time of purity. This is still, in a way, our season of newness, and of longing. These memories are so precious, and I don't ever want to forget them, because in less than three months...
On the Valentines Day account, my love showed up with a dozen beautiful red roses and chocolates, then took me to Olive Garden! I absolutely love Italian food and the lighting and wine were perfect, and my love had his eyes on me all night. Afterward we went to Target to register for our wedding (and do all the scanning which was t-o-n-s o-f f-u-n!) He kissed me goodnight after our wonderful date, and once again left me feeling like the luckiest girl alive.
In this season right before the wedding, I'm finding myself anticipating the coming changes that will come not only in our physical lives, but also in our hearts as we take this next step. We've grown so much as a couple, starting at the newness and somewhat shy (on my side) phase and growing into this deep and wonderful love. We have grown so comfortable with each other and the way that our relationship is, and our marriage is going to radically change that. We will be living together and sleeping together (and um... sleeping together...), and things are going to be, well, different. In a good way of course! I suppose in these last couple months I am trying to relish this season we are in while it lasts, I want to remember what our relationship is like and how we are with each other before we live together and before we have sex. I want to remember these innocent times, because they are so precious. These times have been some of the hardest, trying times for me. It is hard to stay pure physically when you are madly in love with someone- more difficult than I could ever describe! It is hard to put Zachary to bed some nights by myself, and to get him ready in the morning by myself. It was difficult for me to adjust to sleeping alone every night, and it still is a struggle sometimes.
But through all this I have learned and am still learning so much about myself, and who I am as a woman. Dave being such a man of honor by staying pure and keeping me pure throughout our relationship has allowed me the freedom to experience a deeper relationship with God, and myself. His love is so unselfish. In this season, I want to remember all of that. I want to remember in hindsight two, five, and 10+ years from now how difficult it was when he had to leave me every single night. How some nights we had to keep our distance physically because we would be flirting with danger otherwise. I want to remember how we had to have to discipline and self control to stay true to our promises even though it was so extremely difficult. I want to remember him dancing with me in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around me when I'm cooking, twirling me under his arm like I'm a princess, and the letters... ohh the letters! I want to remember the way he looks at me now, in this season. I want to remember the feeling of longing I feel every night when I watch him step off my porch, onto the sidewalk and into his car to drive away. I want to remember all of this, because this is what is setting the tone for our marriage. This is our time of testing. This is our time of purity. This is still, in a way, our season of newness, and of longing. These memories are so precious, and I don't ever want to forget them, because in less than three months...
all this is going to change.
(Don't worry- I'm more than ready!) Here is a picture of my love and I tonight!
Happy Valentines Day!
G.O.S.P.E.L.
This is the most artistically articulated summary of the gospel of Jesus I have ever heard. Enjoy!
His Love Is Always New
A year an a half ago, I received a short letter from Dave. We had only been on two dates, and he sent the letter to me at work through one of our mutual friends who I work with. In it, he described a mixed emotion of having just lost his father but also being bolstered by the excitement of our courtship. It was a very touching and encouraging letter, and left me with butterflies in my stomach until I saw him again.
Since that first letter, I have received many more. A couple months later when Dave left for D.C. for a week, he left me with a letter that ended with "See you tomorrow...", and he wasn't going to be back for five days. Each day he was gone I received a beautiful letter from him, and on the back of each letter was a story of something I didn't know about him. It was so romantic, and as the months passed Dave would always creatively surprise me with little gifts or notes, and our relationship bloomed so wonderfully.
Last June, out of the blue, I came home from work and walked into my bedroom and saw this:
Little hearts and notes all over my room!
For Valentines Day earlier that year, Dave had made me this acronym. He surrounded it with some hearts!
Here's a closer look:
And of course, a letter in the midst.
"There are 100 of these cards, exclusing the hearts."
He put eyes on them! Isn't he cute?!
"I remember the first time I kissed you, your heart was racing!"
"Let's follow Christ together."
"I love you!"
All of this is just wonderful, and it seems never-ending. There is always a surprise around the corner with Dave. This kind of love where we are constantly pursuing each other creates a freshness in our relationship, a newness to our love. I picked Dave up from the airport tonight after not seeing him for seven days, and I was nervous. Yes, nervous. (After being together this long? really?) I was going at least 10 over the speed limit the whole way there, even driving up to the terminal, and as I saw him standing there waiting for me, I felt butterflies in my stomach. As I rushed in for a hug and kiss, I reveled in how tall he is, how strong his arms feel around mine, how soft his kiss, how warm his neck is. Things I already know, but still seem so new.
As we head into our second Valentines Day together, I am feeling so thankful for God's blessing of Dave in Zachary and I's life, thankful for Dave's creativeness in pursuing my heart, and thankful for the love we share. It is truly a beautiful thing.
"You do not love her because she is beautiful...
She is beautiful because you love her."
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