At work I received the shocking news that my son's father's Uncle Wayne, who was basically my uncle for five years, passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack. I had to keep it together at work, but gave myself about 10 minutes in the bathroom to have a good cry, but the rest of the day I just didn't feel right. I have such a heavy heart. He was such a great man.
On the flip side, I also found out that some friends of Dave and I's from church are expecting a baby! Such wonderful news! I cannot think of two better people who are better equipped spiritually and responsibly to bring a baby into this world.
Right now I am feeling mixed feelings of sadness about Wayne's death and joy of our friend's news. One life passed, another to come. That's a lot to wrap my brain around in one day... *sigh*...
So far, Wayne's death is the closest to home I've experienced in this life- and for that, I am beyond blessed and cannot express my gratitude for the health and safety of my closest loved ones thus far. But it does shake my fears up a bit, and all day I've just been reminded of how fragile and precious life is, and how quickly it can be taken away. Today I was totally blindsided, as was his entire family. It is a reminder to savor life every day. The most comforting thing today during all this was knowing God was near. I felt him, his love and presence, surrounding me.
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
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I also read something today that encouraged me as a mother. If you have never heard of Proverbs 31 Ministries, I invite you to check them out here. This is an awesome website for women and mothers who desire to live for God and uphold the idea of a Proverbs 31 woman. If you are not familiar with the Bible or with this passage, here it is:
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
So this passage is the foundation for the Proverbs 31 ministry. Today, a woman posted a devotional to this site that was really inspiring to me as a mother, and helped shift my focus when it comes to mothering Zach. It is based off Proverbs 22:6, which says:
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
Here is her devotional:
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My daughter, Hope, is a senior this year. And she decided her senior year should be adventurous and a little out of the “normal” box. A lot out of the box actually.
She withdrew from traditional school. Applied with the state to homeschool. Enrolled in online college courses that would allow her to get both high school and college credit simultaneously. And planned to spend the month of January serving in Nicaragua doing missions.
This didn’t surprise me really. Hope has always liked charting her own course. This thrills me now. But it didn’t thrill me so much in the early years of raising this strong-spirited child.
When she was really little I was scared to death I was the world’s worst mom, because Hope was never one to be contained. And I honestly thought all her extra tenacity was a sign of my poor mothering.
One day I took her to the mall to meet several of my friends with toddlers to grab lunch. All of their kids sat quietly eating cheerios in their strollers. They shined their halos and quoted Bible verses and used tissues to wipe their notes.
Not Hope.
She was infuriated by my insistence she stay in her stroller. So, when I turned away for a split second to place our lunch order, she wiggled free. She stripped off all her clothes. She ran across the food court. And jumped in the fountain in the center of the mall.
Really, nothing makes the mother of a toddler feel more incapable than seeing her naked child splashing in the mall fountain. Except maybe that toddler refusing to get out and said mother having to also get into the fountain.
I cried all the way home.
Not because of what she’d done that day. But rather because of how she was everyday. So determined. So independent. So insistent.
I would beg God to show me how to raise a good child. One that stayed in her stroller. One that other people would comment about how wonderfully behaved she was. One that made me look good.
But God seemed so slow to answer those prayers. So, over the years, I changed my prayer. “God help me to raise Hope to be who You want her to be.” Emphasis on, “God HELP ME!”
I think I changed my prayers for her because God started to change my heart. I sensed He had a different plan in mind for my mothering of Hope.
Maybe God’s goal wasn’t for me to raise a good rule-following child. God’s goal was for me to raise a God-following adult. An adult just determined and independent and insistent enough to fulfill a purpose He had in mind all along.
Today’s key verse reminds us we are training children so that when they are old they will not turn away from Biblical principles, but rather implement them in their life-long pursuit of God. Remember, the things that might aggravate you about your child today, might be the very things when matured that make them great for God’s kingdom tomorrow.
I’ve certainly seen this in raising Hope.
I don’t know what mama needs to hear this today. But let me encourage you from the bottom of my heart with three simple mothering perspectives you must hang on to:
1. Don’t take too much credit for their good.
2. Don’t take too much credit for their bad.
3. Don’t try to raise a good child. Raise a God-following adult.
And all the mamas of fountain dancing children said, “Amen!”
Dear Lord, I know You desire for me to raise a God-following adult. Please give me Your wisdom as I seek to become the parent You called to this high honor. Redirect my perspectives and equip me for this task today. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
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This devotional makes me think about Zachary in a totally different way- not as the child he is, but as the man he will become, and how I can foster that for God, and for good. I see very independent tendencies, curiosity, stubborness, tenderness, sensitivity, and strength in my boy. I can also see how, as a parent, I "need" him to behave or act mildly so in an attempt to make him "behave" I could be stifling a God-given gift of his that will enable him to be the adult God has called him to be. So tonight, I am thankful for all the ways that Zachary is different, for all the things I think need to be corrected that really might not, and for God's grace which makes up for the areas that I lack as a mother. I cannot wait to start pouring even more purposefully into Zachary's heart affirmations of respect, honor, trust, and encouragement. Thank you God for blessing me with such a beautiful boy.
Until next time,
Lindsay
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