"I Have Endured Her Exaltation Again and Again..."

My mom reminded me today of how different my life is now than it was even two years ago. Thinking back on it, God has worked some majorly awesome blessings into play, and I just can't get over how awesome He's lead my life. I was feeling pretty good thinking about it, and then I remembered something. I remember a particular time in my life not too long ago where I was looking at the life of another woman who had "very little to distress or vex her" in the length of her perfectly seeming life. I remember feeling confused and hurt, asking God why he allowed me to endure certain sufferings while this woman didn't. Why did I have to lose my spark, my innocence, my freedom and joy in painful experiences and grieving while she didn't? Now I know, because God is laying it on my heart ever so gently, that I did not lose any of those things, that though the enemy tries to take them from me he cannot because they are God-given and mine to keep. But at the time, each new bit of information about how "awesome" her life was spiraled my pain a little deeper into my heart. Please don't misunderstand me, I was not feeling ill-willed toward her and I know she deserves nothing but goodness in life. It upset me because I saw in her the person I wanted to be but thought I could never be because I had something deep within taken from me. Security. Have you ever felt that? Interestingly enough, I'm learning that God really can recover anything "lost" and renew me completely. It's a continual process and I need constant reminding, and I'm so happy that God doesn't get burned out. He wills me to be free and joyful and secure, and he will stop at nothing to fight for that for me. That's what I'm feeling today.

 Lindsay