What I Didn't Realize

I had sort of an epiphany today.

On the way home from picking Z up from preschool the song Mighty To Save came on the radio. Just listening to it I was fine, but when I started singing I started crying. So I stopped singing. Then I stopped crying. Odd. Starting singing again, started crying again. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Interesting.

I started pondering why certain Christian songs make me cry. I thought about how I have been crying way easier since I've been a mom. And I suppose since I've been a Christian, too. Then I thought, that's it! I cry easily when singing because in that moment my redemption is so tangible. Of all the hurt I've been through, mistakes I've made, doubts and insecurities I've had, God is the be-all end-all of my life. He has saved me from the hell of a life I didn't even realize I was living until I was on the other side. Thinking about that more deeply, it boggles my mind that in all reality, I truly didn't realize how hurt I was! If you would have asked me then, I would have said my life was just fine, thank you very much. It was one of those "ignorance is bliss" things. One of those "don't know what you're missing" things. Now that I live under the banner of God's love, I am overwhelmed with joy when His spirit is moving in me and I can see how wonderful he has made my life.

But it's not only the blessings. It's what God has done within my heart that is the most powerful. He has given me strength and security. Yes my life is wonderful because he has blessed it, but even without all his blessings, there is an immovable peace inside me that comes only from knowing and trusting in Him. He alone is enough. I am resting in that truth today.

Lindsay