This is the most artistically articulated summary of the gospel of Jesus I have ever heard. Enjoy!
His Love Is Always New
A year an a half ago, I received a short letter from Dave. We had only been on two dates, and he sent the letter to me at work through one of our mutual friends who I work with. In it, he described a mixed emotion of having just lost his father but also being bolstered by the excitement of our courtship. It was a very touching and encouraging letter, and left me with butterflies in my stomach until I saw him again.
Since that first letter, I have received many more. A couple months later when Dave left for D.C. for a week, he left me with a letter that ended with "See you tomorrow...", and he wasn't going to be back for five days. Each day he was gone I received a beautiful letter from him, and on the back of each letter was a story of something I didn't know about him. It was so romantic, and as the months passed Dave would always creatively surprise me with little gifts or notes, and our relationship bloomed so wonderfully.
Last June, out of the blue, I came home from work and walked into my bedroom and saw this:
Little hearts and notes all over my room!
For Valentines Day earlier that year, Dave had made me this acronym. He surrounded it with some hearts!
Here's a closer look:
And of course, a letter in the midst.
"There are 100 of these cards, exclusing the hearts."
He put eyes on them! Isn't he cute?!
"I remember the first time I kissed you, your heart was racing!"
"Let's follow Christ together."
"I love you!"
All of this is just wonderful, and it seems never-ending. There is always a surprise around the corner with Dave. This kind of love where we are constantly pursuing each other creates a freshness in our relationship, a newness to our love. I picked Dave up from the airport tonight after not seeing him for seven days, and I was nervous. Yes, nervous. (After being together this long? really?) I was going at least 10 over the speed limit the whole way there, even driving up to the terminal, and as I saw him standing there waiting for me, I felt butterflies in my stomach. As I rushed in for a hug and kiss, I reveled in how tall he is, how strong his arms feel around mine, how soft his kiss, how warm his neck is. Things I already know, but still seem so new.
As we head into our second Valentines Day together, I am feeling so thankful for God's blessing of Dave in Zachary and I's life, thankful for Dave's creativeness in pursuing my heart, and thankful for the love we share. It is truly a beautiful thing.
"You do not love her because she is beautiful...
She is beautiful because you love her."
Alone, but not lonely.
One thing that I haven't expressed to you yet, I am a total foodie. That is food+junkie. It's not that I love to eat all the time, I just love food. I love cooking it, smelling it, tasting it, looking at it, experimenting with it, and I LOVE feeding people. Tonight it is just me, since Dave is in Florida and Zach is with his dad for a couple hours, so I am spending some time with my darling self. I've got a bottle of wine (to drink and cook with), and I'm making a lemon chicken dish. Yum...
Sometimes, in the midst of my crazy busy life, I can tend to forget how much I love being alone. Not excessively, of course, but just having time to myself to be with myself... to foster my own identity that I have striven so hard to find in the first place, and which is also constantly evolving ever so slightly. I find that if I don't take time to have nights like this once in awhile, I not only miss who I'm becoming, but I start to feel a disconnect with who I am as a woman, apart from my wonderful man, apart from my son, apart from my job and other responsibilities. When that happens, my alter-ego (we'll call her Amelia) steps in and takes over. Amelia gets the job done, because she is fast-paced and hard working. She can also be frazzled, bland, and easily irritated. Sometimes she only stops in to do the laundry and dishes and leaves, and other times she hangs around for longer. Sometimes she stays all day, so sneaky-like that I don't even realize it. One thing I know is that when Amelia is around, Lindsay, for the most part, is not. It isn't until things start to slow down and simplify a bit that Lindsay, the real me, feels comfortable enough to let her hair down, change into some comfortable pants, and reveal any true authenticity.
Maybe this is just the season of life I'm in, these last few months before I become a married woman, where I'm still a single mom trying to work almost every day of the week, plus take care of my son, plus spend quality time with my wonderful man. Some days it's just hard to do everything well, and still be my free spirited relaxed self. That is why occasional alone time for me is so important. I remember things about myself that I normally don't even think about, like how much I love to cook, read, or do crafts. It's not just about doing things I like to do, it's about the feeling I get when I'm genuinely enjoying my own company. It's a feeling of wholeness, of security, and of peace. It is a remembrance that I am enough. For crying out loud, it reminds me that I like... no, love who I am. It sounds so simple, but feels so powerful.
So tonight it's just me, and I'm lovin' it. No agenda, Frank Sinatra on the radio, good food, and good company.
2012 Goals
2012 is going to be a very memorable year.
Being that it is still quite early in the year, I thought it might be appropriate to make a dream list of things I would like to accomplish in 2012. Here goes!
1. Get married. Obvious, I know, but I'm not there yet!
2. By the instruction and guidance of those who play much better than me, learn how to play bass guitar well.
3. Blog on a regular basis. At least twice a month.
4. See the Civil Wars again!
5. Connect with more people in my church. I can't tell you how many phone numbers I have that never get called because I am "too busy".
6. Be less busy.
7. Recycle every week. It's not hard, really.
8. Read more books. By the end of the year, I would like to have finished "The Age of Innocence" by Edith Wharton and "Persuasion" and "Sense and Sensibility", both by Jane Austen.
9. Get a nice layout for my blog.
10. Lead a lifegroup with Dave.
11. Take Zachary on a playdate once a week, preferably outside when it's nice out!
12. Reawaken my passion for healthy cooking.
13. Exercise at least three times a week.
14. Read the Bible often and memorize verses.
15. Write to my friends and family, longhand.
16. Do one thing- I don't care what it is- that I would normally be terrified to do, but found myself able through confidence and bravery.
17. Help Dave run sound during church service. I want to learn how to do more of what he does.
18. Take more baths.
19. Keep my house clean for a week straight. (Hey, a girl can dream...)
20. Go out of my way to be more friendly and positive in a way that represents God's love and shows I am His daughter.
Here is to a wonderful year to come!
Mountain of Leaves
For the past month I have been looking at the leaves slowly accumulating in my yard and thinking, "Man! I really should rake those up into a big pile and jump in with Zach! He would love it!" But sometimes, despite the best of intentions, these little daily "I should" fantasies never actually come to fruition.
Until yesterday.
It was a PERFECT fall day. It was sunny, the air was crisp but not biting... a light sweater was totally comfortable. I made some chili and had a little while for it to simmer, and the kitchenlooked like a tornado hit it was a mess but as I looked at Zach standing in a perfect beam of sunlight, trapped inside the house (like he is WAY too much), I decided that it was time. No kitchen cleaning right now, no chores right now, nothing but me and my boy, going outside to play in the leaves.
I have been meaning to pick up a rake, but as (once again) the best of intentions don't always get lived out, I found a nice dusty old broom in the garage that would suffice. She was a battered old girl, but she was tough enough to get the job done.
When the leaves first fell they were all in a nice small area under the tree, but the last few windy days had scattered them all over the yard- and we have a BIG yard. So I took my battered broom and started on one side of the yard and swept those babies all into one huge pile. It look a very. long. time. But I got a nice looking pile going, so it was worth it.
The part that makes all of this so completely worth it is also perhaps the most hard to describe. When Zach saw the pile of leaves, I told him he could jump in it. First he kind of scooted around the edge and kicked a few leaves, like he wasn't sure what else to do. So I jumped right in the middle, hoping he would follow my cue. And boy was I right! He jumped straight in the middle of the mountain of leaves we had made, and played in fall leaves for the very first time in his life. There was a moment where in his eyes I saw, ever so briefly, the elation of experiencing something incredibly wonderful for the first time in his life. He looked so excited, so unbelieving, so enchanted and captivated by the wonders of rolling in leaves and having them rain down on him (with mommy's help). His joy was contagious, and I also began reveling in how awesome and fun it was to play in the fall leaves. At one point I laid down on my back in the leaves and breathed in the smell, and while it was so familiar, I realized that I had forgotten what that smelled like. It is different from regular fall air that you smell while walking to your car in the morning on your way to work. It is even different than the smell you get when you rake leaves. No, this smell can only be realized by actually laying amidst them, having them touch your face and get in your hair. It is a smell I remember so acutely from my childhood, but had forgotten so easily in my adulthood. Having children is such a beautiful wonder that brings me back to my childhood. I forgot how alive I used to be.
No.... I just remembered how alive I am.
Until yesterday.
It was a PERFECT fall day. It was sunny, the air was crisp but not biting... a light sweater was totally comfortable. I made some chili and had a little while for it to simmer, and the kitchen
I have been meaning to pick up a rake, but as (once again) the best of intentions don't always get lived out, I found a nice dusty old broom in the garage that would suffice. She was a battered old girl, but she was tough enough to get the job done.
When the leaves first fell they were all in a nice small area under the tree, but the last few windy days had scattered them all over the yard- and we have a BIG yard. So I took my battered broom and started on one side of the yard and swept those babies all into one huge pile. It look a very. long. time. But I got a nice looking pile going, so it was worth it.
The part that makes all of this so completely worth it is also perhaps the most hard to describe. When Zach saw the pile of leaves, I told him he could jump in it. First he kind of scooted around the edge and kicked a few leaves, like he wasn't sure what else to do. So I jumped right in the middle, hoping he would follow my cue. And boy was I right! He jumped straight in the middle of the mountain of leaves we had made, and played in fall leaves for the very first time in his life. There was a moment where in his eyes I saw, ever so briefly, the elation of experiencing something incredibly wonderful for the first time in his life. He looked so excited, so unbelieving, so enchanted and captivated by the wonders of rolling in leaves and having them rain down on him (with mommy's help). His joy was contagious, and I also began reveling in how awesome and fun it was to play in the fall leaves. At one point I laid down on my back in the leaves and breathed in the smell, and while it was so familiar, I realized that I had forgotten what that smelled like. It is different from regular fall air that you smell while walking to your car in the morning on your way to work. It is even different than the smell you get when you rake leaves. No, this smell can only be realized by actually laying amidst them, having them touch your face and get in your hair. It is a smell I remember so acutely from my childhood, but had forgotten so easily in my adulthood. Having children is such a beautiful wonder that brings me back to my childhood. I forgot how alive I used to be.
No.... I just remembered how alive I am.
"Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the wind longs to play with your hair."
Insignificance.
If I don't take the time to be with God, in his word, in prayer, it is so easy to forget his promises in everyday life. It is so easy to not read my Bible because I'm tired, or whatever other excuse, then time will trickle through my fingers and before I know it days have passed and I'm wondering why I feel so weird, so disconnected, so lame, so insignificant, so unattractive, so unworthy. Without God, I have no purpose and no calling.
So this morning as I was once again, as I have been these past couple weeks, dwelling on the fact that my calling is unclear, I realized this:
To know my calling I must be in a relationship with God.
To be in a relationship with God, I need to devote time.
I need to devote energy.
I need to have love, and I need to sacrifice.
Would I be in love with Dave if he didn't do any of this for me?
What if Dave never took the time to come over to my house, or to call me. What if he always worried about himself and how I could serve him, without caring about what I might need?
What if Dave went day after day without sacrificing anything, without kissing me, without playing with me, without having a sense of humor? What if he was bland and boring, only visiting me out of desperation or an agenda? What if he had to force himself to carve out time- dutifully- to call or come over, just to ask me for favors?
Luckily, Dave does none of those things. He is very loving and sacrificial, caring and concerned. He's with me out of desire, not out of duty. He calls because he wants to hear my voice, not necessarily because of any other reason. God brought Dave in my life to bring me closer to Him, and to show me what a healthy relationship should look like and how to be in one. And this is what God expects of me in my relationship with Him.
So when all is boiled down, it is clear to me that my feelings of insignificance are a product of my disconnect with God. If I give life to this relationship, nurture it and grow it, I really have faith that I will not ever feel insignificant. I have faith that God's light will shine in me, and that I will be beautiful and worthy and not only significant, but significantly more able to do his work.
That is life's purpose after all, right?
So this morning as I was once again, as I have been these past couple weeks, dwelling on the fact that my calling is unclear, I realized this:
Our calling is revealed when we are in a relationship with the one who created us. Of course I don't know my calling- I didn't create myself! God did, and only he knows why.
I wonder why God hasn't revealed my purpose yet? Hmmm...
To know my calling I must be in a relationship with God.
To be in a relationship with God, I need to devote time.
I need to devote energy.
I need to have love, and I need to sacrifice.
Would I be in love with Dave if he didn't do any of this for me?
What if Dave never took the time to come over to my house, or to call me. What if he always worried about himself and how I could serve him, without caring about what I might need?
What if Dave went day after day without sacrificing anything, without kissing me, without playing with me, without having a sense of humor? What if he was bland and boring, only visiting me out of desperation or an agenda? What if he had to force himself to carve out time- dutifully- to call or come over, just to ask me for favors?
How would I respond?
Luckily, Dave does none of those things. He is very loving and sacrificial, caring and concerned. He's with me out of desire, not out of duty. He calls because he wants to hear my voice, not necessarily because of any other reason. God brought Dave in my life to bring me closer to Him, and to show me what a healthy relationship should look like and how to be in one. And this is what God expects of me in my relationship with Him.
So when all is boiled down, it is clear to me that my feelings of insignificance are a product of my disconnect with God. If I give life to this relationship, nurture it and grow it, I really have faith that I will not ever feel insignificant. I have faith that God's light will shine in me, and that I will be beautiful and worthy and not only significant, but significantly more able to do his work.
That is life's purpose after all, right?
And at last I see the light
There are many beautiful things that remind me of God's love. One of them is music. Another is pretty scenery. Combine the two together and my heart comes alive! I heard a song recently from the movie Tangled, and I fell in love with it. When you understand the words from the perspective of God's love, it is a perfect cusp of love being both completely understood and completely unfathomable. God is the ultimate romancer.
I SEE THE LIGHT
All those days watching from the windows
All those years outside looking in
All that time never even knowing
Just how blind I've been
Now I'm here blinking in the starlight
Now I'm here, suddenly I see
Standing here, it's all so clear
I'm where I'm meant to be
And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the world is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you
All those days chasing down a daydream
All those years living in a blur
All that time never truly seeing
Things, the way they were
Now she's here shining in the starlight
Now she's here, suddenly I know
If she's here it's crystal clear
I'm where I'm meant to go
And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything is different
Now that I see you
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)