Insignificance.

If I don't take the time to be with God, in his word, in prayer, it is so easy to forget his promises in everyday life. It is so easy to not read my Bible because I'm tired, or whatever other excuse, then time will trickle through my fingers and before I know it days have passed and I'm wondering why I feel so weird, so disconnected, so lame, so insignificant, so unattractive, so unworthy. Without God, I have no purpose and no calling.

So this morning as I was once again, as I have been these past couple weeks, dwelling on the fact that my calling is unclear, I realized this:

Our calling is revealed when we are in a relationship with the one who created us. Of course I don't know my calling- I didn't create myself! God did, and only he knows why. 

I wonder why God hasn't revealed my purpose yet? Hmmm...

To know my calling I must be in a relationship with God.
To be in a relationship with God, I need to devote time.
I need to devote energy.
I need to have love, and I need to sacrifice.
Would I be in love with Dave if he didn't do any of this for me?
What if Dave never took the time to come over to my house, or to call me. What if he always worried about himself and how I could serve him, without caring about what I might need?
What if Dave went day after day without sacrificing anything, without kissing me, without playing with me, without having a sense of humor? What if he was bland and boring, only visiting me out of desperation or an agenda? What if he had to force himself to carve out time- dutifully- to call or come over, just to ask me for favors?

How would I respond?

Luckily, Dave does none of those things. He is very loving and sacrificial, caring and concerned. He's with me out of desire, not out of duty. He calls because he wants to hear my voice, not necessarily because of any other reason. God brought Dave in my life to bring me closer to Him, and to show me what a healthy relationship should look like and how to be in one. And this is what God expects of me in my relationship with Him.

So when all is boiled down, it is clear to me that my feelings of insignificance are a product of my disconnect with God. If I give life to this relationship, nurture it and grow it, I really have faith that I will not ever feel insignificant. I have faith that God's light will shine in me, and that I will be beautiful and worthy and not only significant, but significantly more able to do his work.

That is life's purpose after all, right?